Thursday, 14 January 2016

8 words of advice for the Unmarried Single Mothers

Having a child out of wedlock is not ideal in anyway and ladies should do their best to avoid this not by the sinful and barbaric act of abortion but by been careful to open up to a man who will love them enough not to abandon them and the child should pregnancy occurs.

Nevertheless,it is no longer a big deal that we have baby mamas who are never married and we have a growing number of this set of ladies due to many factors too numerous to elucidate upon.

The sad twist is that it is generally believed that such ladies usually find it difficulty to find a man that will eventually marry them due to the stigma of being a single mum out of wedlock.

In my opinion,being a single mother is no deterrent but most times,it is the approach of these ladies who find themselves in this situation that really makes it hard for them to get a man as fast as they would love to.

Here are very important list of advise that will be beneficial for you.

1.Be confident; Many men are very skeptical about fertility status of many ladies these days so as a single mum you should be proud of yourself that you are fertile and capable of procreating so carry yourself with dignity and be proud of yourself.

2.Look sexy: Get rid of that after child-birth pregnancy(protruding tummy) many Nigerian young mothers are known for. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH.I guess this link will come in handy for you and other mothers because guys love flat tummies even after you have given birth to children.

3.Be selective: This might sound strange but if you have your way,look away from single never married guys. Yes this does not apply in all cases but i will be frank with you on this. You will be more appreciated by male divorcees,widower as well as the married men while single never married guys may just want to cool off with you. While you may ignore the married men,widowers,divorcees,or a never married single dad will make a better pair.

4.Don't discuss your child excessively: I have heard many single mothers say stuffs like..a man who will want me must want my child..

Well no man will ask you to forget your child but most guys are not interested in hearing you sing about the child,remember its not his child so in as much as a mother's love towards her child is strong,please try to avoid making it a subject matter even if the man also has his own children. Discussing your child excessively will take the shine off the affair.

5.Be in touch but don't take up the responsibility: This is one big mistake single mothers do. Except the man absconds or his family bluntly refuses to accept the child,DON'T EVER TAKE UP THE RESPONSIBILITY OF TAKING CARE OF THE CHILD.

In most cases, the baby daddy and his family are interested in the baby but not interested in the mother so many times these ladies usually hold on to the child because to them "if you don't want me, you can't have my child"

No matter the stress you go through in bringing the child up, you can never erase the paternity of the child and a day will likely come when the child will look for the dad or vis-à-vis and when the day comes, just one prostration and I'm sorry from the dad will melt the pains of neglect of many years so why insist on taking care of a child of a man who may come back to claim his biological child.

Please give the child to the father's family but be in touch, after-all nobody in this world can contest the maternity of the child. Abeg free yourself because its a turn off for guys when they want to woo a cutie and discover that the baby you are with is actually yours...its better to know latter.

Or better still give the child to a family member of yours and be free to rediscover yourself.

6. Be financially independent: Please understand that many men these days are struggling and it will be very unrealistic for you to expect another man to automatically take up another man's responsibility.

Yes some men will not mind to take care of you and your child or children but try to be financially independent in the little way you can so that while you expect some form of financial succor from any man that comes into your life, you will not stress him too much by wanting him to provide for a child who is not his.

7.Don't be a dumping ground: Many ladies have been enmeshed with self pity and condemnation that they just rush into any affair with guys who they will ordinarily never date all because they see themselves as after one as they call it.

There is a saying for single mothers in my dialect "omo bibi ki n se arun" meaning having a child out of wedlock is not a disease.

8. Be bold,and never allow any man love you out of pity or take advantage of you.

Hope this helps.

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